Well it turns out anger has been an enemy of mine. Mostly I would find myself critical of other people when they were very angry. I've slowly, or rather quickly actually, over the last few years, realized I would never let myself be angry. For European descended women anger has not been an ok emotion. Do you know that hysterectomies are still the top surgery performed on women? Do you know that that word 'hysterectomy' originates from a medical diagnosis of 'hysteria'? For women who acted 'unladylike' (passionate, angry, upset etc) a prescribed treatment could have been to remove her uterus to make her calmer. Yeah. So, there is good reason for us to be pissed. The problem is, we hold all of this 'pissed-off-ness' in our bodies, and it makes us sick, specifically in our sexual organs, and it inflames up and then gets labeled other kinds of diseases. on and on the fun goes... Solution: When angry, lets even call it rage, because, well, it is. When it comes up, no matter what the trigger is (life will trigger us to feel our broken hurt selves) rather than attacking the person who triggered you, or pushing it down like I used to, feel into the emotion energetically, what does it feel like? warmth? fire? tingling? Does it make you want to move? to draw? yell? to punch a pillow? do these things safely. I had to basically go berzerk safely throwing tantrums while I unleashed all this emotion from my body over the last couple years.
I was feeling super pissed off earlier today, screaming unpleasant words in my car at pretty much everyone and everything. Sorry humanity, turns out it wasn't about you at all, it's always been me not wanting to feel me. I started talking to my spirit team (I feel we all have a team of spirit help around us) I belligerently asked them for help, I admitted that I had no idea how to process anger and that I was afraid I'd never get through it. Pretty soon after that I got some sound advice to stop resisting it and breath into the anger and honor it. I'd parked my car in the coop parking lot by this point (I'm convinced now that my saturn and coop parking lots are emotional processing sanctuaries) As soon as I started breathing into the anger with a sense of honor I immediately felt my body, the emotional energy itself, turn light and cool. I kept going for a few breaths. I could tell that my problem, or the reason I kept feeling worse and worse, wasn't really what triggered me, but instead it was my own ancient hysterical internalized belief that anger is not ok. Through accepting it I started to feel it as one of my teachers. I realized that what had been angering me showed me what I really cared about and value in life, especially certain people. I can see now that what I CAN do is really honor my friends, family and loved ones, take care of my relationships; tell and show people how much I love them. Anger, it turns out, you're not so bad.
