sort. clear. expand. sort. clear. expand.

I'm figuring out what is me and what is not. This process is excrutiating sometimes. Cycles of emotional clearing, stuff I'm sick off, but if I stuff it down or ignore it I feel worse, so let it up, let it express, dance sing cry, again and again. It is lighter then before, that's nice. It's easier and easier to choose peace, to just let the fear energy move through without acting it out, I couldnt' do that before. I read that as this new energy comes in we channel it into the earth, if we resist the flow our old patterns act out, so whenever we feel stuck all we have to do is relax and let the energy keep flowing. Our planet is being bombarbed with higher and higher frequencies all the time now. Hence the extreme polarities of dark and light that are being acted out everywhere, we're moving into a higher level of consciousness. No you're not crazy, you're releasing old patterns and stepping into more of who you truly are. What is hard for me right now is this figuring out process. Of realizing that pretty much everything I've done up until these past two years was based on what I was taught to do. What I was taught was pretty, smart, right or wrong, good or bad, this is beyond annoying to recognize. The best I can do is make peace with these realizations and stop acting them out. Who am i really??? What do I really want to do??? I made a list of when I've felt the most joy through out my life, we did this in school too at Green River, I will do more of these joy bringing activities. Writing this blog is one of them. A while back I heard this thing about how to become more clear on who you are in relationships, from this Canadian couple Mel and Nicole, their you tube channel is 'goldraytwinflames', good stuff. Anyway, he said to make a list of all your expectations for relationships, then look at where they come from, then get really angry that their not yours, then throw them all out and create your own list.

Flip right side out.

I want to write about this flip I've been feeling, a an energetic shift. It's quite subtle, but I have found the most profound changes start very small, I have to be very quiet and observant to notice. It's in my family lineage, my conditioning here, to put a lot of energy into analyzing how I'm being perceived by others. To the point that, in the past, I was completely lost to the idea of what my own needs and desires were, I couldn't even feel them. My reality was based on an imagined mirror of how others were perceiving me. The closer the person was to me the more concerned I was with how they saw me. This was unconscious for a long time, this was just what I thought reality was. It takes a lot of work and a lot of energy to constantly analyze and worry about how others see me. I am HAPPY that I have begun a shift away from this. I lay this habit to rest. And it feels good. The shift I feel feels like a fliparoo. Rather then living from the outside in, I'm letting myself live from the inside out. I feel worthy of having needs, desires and wants. I can ask for them. I don't have to explain myself away or apologize for existing. I live from my inner compass. Are you consumed with guessing how others are perceiving you? We don't have to live like this. Changing this habit starts by noticing it, acknowleding it, and then meditating on a deeper presence within ourselves. Begin to make choices from that deep inner core heart place. Ignore the voice that says 'oh, that person thinks I'm rude...etc' the voice is wrong, it's based in fear and insecurity. we are all beautiful loving beings, we all want to be happy and free.