take a step back and breathe

I've been pondering lately why we 'freak out' (for lack of a better term) when we're encountered by an opinion that is different from our own. Speaking for myself, when I'm met with a voice saying things that conflict with my own views my heart rate elevates, I might start sweating...on and on. I breath, I calm down, I observe these reactions and then choose how to react or not to react. I think as we grow up we create an identity based on how our parents thought, based on our friends, our schools, our teachers, any authority figures, the media...any voices we hear or are exposed to. If I was born somewhere else I would have a totally different identitiy then the one I have now. I really love who I am, but I realize a lot of my identity is based on all the beautiful influcenes I've had through out life. We identify with our beliefs about reality and when they are questioned we feel our sense of self is being questioned. All of us humans are like mirrors for each other reflecting back ourselves at ourselves. We are all a lot more than our beliefs too, beliefs and percpetions come and go. If something someone says makes you angry/sad/joyful its because it's reflecting a part of you that wants to be heard and seen. I propose letting go of the idea that we all need to match somehow, that if your beliefs are different from mine I need to get upset and make you think the way I do. Lets all be different colors of the same rainbow.

Our emotions are our GPS system

Most of us are cut off from our emotions. We were taught not to feel them, to avoid 'negative' emotions. The reasons and explanations for this don't matter as much as deciding now to tune back into our internal guidance systems. If you feel lost or stuck a quick way to get un-stuck is to stop numbing yourself long enough to let your emotions flow. The other day I was feeling uncomfortable, nauseous actually, I laid down and let myself be nauseous, I let it come over me, and then I started to cry. What I had stuffed down began to move and I felt immediate relief! Relief is a good sign of healing and growth!! An emotion is a reaction to a thought. Here's how it works: you have a thought, then your body reacts with an emotion, if the emotion 'feels good' that means the thought is in alignment with your true desire and it would serve your highest good to follow the thought and put it into appropriate action. If you have an emotional reaction that 'feels bad' (tight, constricted, sick) this thought is not in alignment with your desire or highest good. It's likely rooted in fear. If we live in fear we'll never fulfill our soul's purpose!! Probably best then to explore the thought, the belief, dance, draw, cry, or just release into stillness and follow the emotion. Follow your thoughts and emotions that make you feel good!!! This is your true path. I love exploring thoughts, emotions and beliefs. If you're craving some guidance on this twisty, turny life experience feel free to reach out to me.

Free Will

I'm going to write a book. I want to write a book on all the topics, maybe a series... all the topics I think are important to clarify and understand. All the topics I think are worth research. I think there are a lot of things people do without thought, without listening to themselves, they do what they've been told is right and good. It's time to love ourselves enough to care what we put in our bodies and why, it's time to question the sources from which we get information. So far I plan to write more on pregnancy/birthing options,health care and disease treatment options, Food options - what we eat and why and how. The thought of a 'one size fits all' anything is ridiculous. All humans on the planet are made up of the same ingredients - earth, air, fire and water - although we all come from the same source we've each been through an infinite amount of life experience and we've all overcome different trauma, a lot of trauma is held in our bodies. Each of our bodies, our cells, our DNA, long for a unique blend of care and attention.

me and food

I had a good conversation with my dad yesterday about eating for our blood types, we're both type A pos. Recently I was feeling annoyed that the foods I crave and want sometimes don't line up with the foods my body actually needs. And I also will eat a chipotle or a burger and it tastes good, but that's about it. Then I go through 1 or 2 days of feeling bloated from the salt/gluten/cheese and my digestive tube gets all discombobulated. While talking with my dad yesterday I realized that I don't feel limited by choosing to eat a spinach and tofu salad over a burger, I actually feel more free when I eat the way my body truly wants to eat. I sleep better, I have more consistent energy all day long, my yoga practice feels stronger, I'm happier, I'm more loving...My body wants a lot of greens, light proteins, nuts...etc. It's amazing how intense the emotional attachment to food can be, this is serious self-work. I believe, when we sit down to a meal, or eat something quick, we infuse the food with our energy, whatever our emotions are, whether it's joy and excitement or pain and guilt, and then we eat it up and it goes back in us! One fun practice to play around with is conscious eating. When you sit down to eat, bless your food, express gratitude for all the hands it took to get it to your plate. You can ask the food to nourish you and give you what you need, anything that doesn't serve you may pass through. Now, while you eat know that you are eating earth, sky, fire and water, let it be a pure experience. Explore!

An infected wisdom tooth socket

My wisdom teeth, all 4, were pulled out in 2003. I remember sitting there on that big chair thinking, 'what? you're going to take my teeth out so that I don't get cavities?' that doesn't seem like a good enough reason, I didn't feel powerful enough then to speak up, so the surgery happened. It went smoothly, a few days of liquid diet, no bad reactions, no dry sockets... everything seemed peachy. After about a year is when I first felt depressed. I remember vividly sinking down onto my desk chair at college with this deep feeling of dread and despair...asking myself, whats the point of all this? I began to question my relationships, my schooling, I just felt sort of dead inside. I cried hard to my roomates out of confusion and a deep inner conflict that I didn't understand. I must have just gotten used to this, I believed it was who I was. Inside I felt always town between wanting to act happy but also wanting to just curl up and be alone. I think I did a good job of being myself most of the time. The summer of 2006 my parents introduced me to Eckart Tolle 'The Power of Now' this book, just thinking about it brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. I had the first sparks of presence and aliveness. I began to remember who I really was and would get seconds or sometimes minutes of feeling pure joy! I started to remember that anxiety/depression wasn't me, I was joy and hapiness. This inner battle/ self realization continued through college and after. 2012 I was completely sick and tired of constantly battling fear. I met my soulmate, the fear got in the way of my ability to love, and THAT WAS IT. I was ready for BIG change. My family and friends guided me to Dr. Su in Hudson, WI. During my appointment she told me that one of my wisdom tooth sockets had a piece of rotten dead bone that had been left inside. My body, over those 10 years was trying so hard to fight it off, but I coudln't do it on my own. She said to me 'That's why you didn't win the war'. Something inside clicked, and I knew she was telling me the truth. Her machine she uses confirmed the infection. We tried at first to beat the infection from the inside out for 2 months, but my body said we needed help. She sent me to Dr. Keane in Edina and he surgically opened my gum and removed the cavitation, it was the size of a pencil eraser. Waves of sadness, grief and joy rolled off my chest while he performed the surgery. That day, my birthday 8/2/12 (best birthday ever), I felt IMMEDIATELY more like my authentic self, I felt my body shift into alignment, aspects of my external life followed. I cried deep tears of gratitude while my mom held me, I am be forever grateful to Dr. Su, Dr. Keane, my mom and all my family and friends who helped me. Trust your intuition and speak up for yourself! And if you feel like you need help, ask.

Yoga in my life

I took my first yoga classes in 2008 after Graduating from college at yogafresh in Woodbury. These first heated yoga classes blew me away. Never before had I felt so fresh (pun intended), so blissful, so joyful... what was that? My body felt wrung out, born again, yes...that...good. There was no going back to a lower vibration, I wanted more! Soon I was invited to try a 90 min hot class at Bikram Woodbury. Holy moly, this was a whole new ball game! 90 minutes, 26 postures, 105 degrees and humid. I literally felt I got turned inside out, I felt renewed again and again after each class. My roomates and I (hey gurls hey) in 2009 would get ourselves all revved up and march into the hot yoga rooms at Corepoweryoga in Minneapolis. Not really sure of what crazy motive brought us to that hot box, we got on those sacred rectangles and killed it. A good class was one where I would get that 'I'm gonna die' panic to run out of the room screaming... and consciously CHOOSE to breath through the panic and stay commited to my practice. The anxiety had less and less control over me, I controlled IT. My breath was more important. My body had started changing. More fit, more tone, I started making different choices on food and drink so that I would feel better at yoga. I started going to bed earlier and sleeping better. All of these small changes in lifestyle led to even bigger ones. That fall of 2010 I decided to take the plunge and signed up for hot yoga teacher training at Uptown, Mpls. Clicking the enter button to put down my deposit my heart pounded like a jack hammer, I was terrified. I knew then and I know more now that the scariest choices lead to the most growth. Through that 8 week, 200 hr teacher training, I became more disciplined in taking care of myself and continued to find more depth in my yoga postures. I cut way back on unhealthy habits (drinking especially, and TV, I used to use alchohol and TV to numb my anxiety) and allowed yoga to be the center of my life. Upon completing all the components of CPY training I was welcomed in to CPY woodbury with wide open arms. I was lucky to get some hot classes on the schedule straight away! I remember catching myself in the mirror while I was teaching sometimes and thinking 'oh my god I'm doing this!' I've been teaching for 3 years and tonight I embarked on coaching my first hot yoga teacher training. I believe my external world is a reflection of my internal world. Over the years, as I've consciously chosen to work through fear, my external world has reflected it. I've learned more about the connection between quantum physics and spirituality lately and I do believe we create our realities through our beliefs, thoughts and emotions etc. Both our conscious minds and our subconscious minds. Earlier in my life my reality included fairly heavy bits of judgement, fear, insecurity.. because that's what I had on the inside. As I've worked through and processed a lot of that stuff my reality has become much more fun! More joyful and peaceful. My insides and outsides! This healing journey won't be over for a while, and afterwards I imagine something new starts. There is a lot of work to do on this planet!! love and light to you. I share this because...yes I am proud of myself. And even more so because I think a lot of people stay stuck in fear their whole lives never doing what they really want to do. There is fear there because the potential for growth and joy is so great! That's the way it works! Go for it, let go, loose control, do it, press the enter button, now is the time. The right energies are here now on the planet to support you. Onward!!

What is saying 'I'm sorry'?

I feel this question on a couple levels. First, I people throw this phrase around and it troubles me (I noticed this in myself first and changed my pattern). I often hear people say 'I'm sorry' when someone else walks closely by them, like the person who apologizes must feel they are somehow in the way. What troubles me is it seems they apologize for simply being there. I really want this hypothetical person (speaking to myself too) to feel a right to exist, to take up space and breathe. I encourage everyone to start noticing how frequently this little 'I'm sorry' phrase pops out.. and why are you saying it? Do you need to? Instead how about 'Hello, great to see you person!' (The following is learned from my GS teacher) When we apologize when its not necessary or explain away our choices we give our power away. When someone apologizes simply for existing and breathing and taking up space they are saying 'Ignore me, I'm just in the way, I don't matter'. I say to you, you DO matter, because you are matter, you are love and you have important work to do. Why do you feel you don't matter? What is that? Explore. Second, What does it mean to say 'I'm sorry'? I'm wrong and you are right? mmm maybe. I think it's more to apologize for having said or done something out of alignment with who I am. An apology is appropriate when I feel I've been wrong, when I've acted out of fear or let my own stuff be projected onto someone else. And IMPORTANTLY I keep myself accountable for this. I explore my own triggors and emotional reactions so I can learn and grow from the experience. And same goes for when I feel someone has 'hurt me', an apology is nice to hear, but truly it's a chance to look at my own emotional reactions and choose to either keep that energy or send it back into the universe as love.