There was a time I laid belly down on my heated concrete floors of my artist loft, wishing to no longer exist, because I had run into conflict with my boyfriend at the time..and he kicked me out of his house. I totally gave up. I surrendered.
I felt so so low...so hopeless.... because everything in me wanted that relationship to be *the one* I fully believed he was, actually. So, the low state I was in....was I suppose... me surrendering on some level to the fact that reality WAS NOT matching what I believed should be happening. I was devastated, all the way into my core.
Also, deeper than who the guy was, I was born with a destiny to have a Sacred Union. A marriage with God inside my heart, and a marriage with a man who also came from this union with God inside him...and then us spiraling together in intimacy...to further each of our individual Soul missions, and to do the magical energy dance of union as a couple. (Which I'm in now... and it is everything I ever prayed for and more) but back then, in this time node I'm referring to, when I'm belly down on the concrete....I was just....gone.
Some deep part of me was devastated that maybe the map I had inside for sacred marriage wasn't real...or wouldn't happen... it crushed me.
I surrendered...and I feel when we have the urge to not exist anymore, it's actually prime time for a spiritual death and rebirth.
So as I'm laying there on the floor....feeling devastated to my core... I had this moment with my future self. I saw her, which I suppose is me now.... 7 years later. I saw her as a bright gold light being, sitting at my kitchen table. I didn't see her with my physical eyes, but with my third eye I guess. I saw her spiritually.
And this was enough for me in the moment to have something to live for...and a reason to continue on my healing journey. I somehow KNEW in the core of me, that I would become her. I had a knowing that I would become confident, bold, successful, HAPPY...really truly actually HAPPY, and that I would have a beautiful marriage. She is me and I am her.
So, I let go more. I probably cried a lot, I don't remember exactly now. But I'll always remember that moment with future me...telling me I would be ok.... I would be great, actually.
Do you ever have moments like this? Where time's not real...and you feel connection with a past you or a future you?
Now that I look at it... I feel that past/future reckoning moment was perhaps one of the holiest moments of my life.
I am happy now...really, really happy...in a way that gold god light and me dance in my heart.
The way future me showed me I would be.
Not in a fake happy or pollyanna....let's ignore the hard parts of life...way...but I'm happy because I love and accept ALL parts of me. ESPECIALLY the part of me I wrote about above. I LOVE her. I SEE her. I UNDERSTAND her. She's been FULLY welcomed into union with me and God...in my heart. And no one or nothing can change this. I'm ok with all of my emotions, I love myself.
I'm fully devoted to God and I have devoted Katie Awake Online (my online healing business) FULLY to God as well. To be a ministry of God's love.
I midwife my clients through soul birth of their infinite potential; through and beyond childhood and past life trauma. The result for them is more happiness now, more pleasure in their bodies, soul mate relationships, more money & the birth of their sacred work further into the world
My current offerings - if you want to know:
Women Remember 🌹 a monthly membership that is an all access pass to my best trauma healing and soul birth work. Plus a continuously growing library of audio healings & trainings that I add to every month.
This is a sacred virtual space for women to deeply heal, embody their wisdom, remember themselves as being their own healer and be deeply supported to embody their divine feminine
In this ongoing sacred circle, we practice loving our bodies, emotions, sexuality and innate wealth
Each of us is inately gifted, and here we are guided to remember those gifts
$55/ month. No contract; stay as long as you feel called to. Doors are open currently for April! Join before 4/7.
www.katieawake.com/plans-pricing
HOLY LOVE - a 3 day live training with me
The yearning you feel deep in your chest, that you've ALWAYS felt, for a sacred partner; is 100% REAL. The very fact that you HAVE this yearning, means IT IS FOR YOU AND IT IS COMING. Your task is to prepare yourself for divine union. This means getting really real with yourself. Are you happy inside? Are you happy with the relationship you have with yourself? What healing does your heart, inner child and Soul need? Do you know? What past patterns have you had in relationship that you don't want to repeat?
In Holy Love, we will do DEEP heart healing work, inner child healing and major clearing of limiting ancestral pattering. All in love and with honor for our lineages. Though, you get to become a new healthy branch of your family tree. In Holy Love, we will do the inner healing work you need, to be a living breathing embodiment of the love you want to receive from your partner, or future partner.
Read more & enroll in HOLY LOVE here: www.katieawake.com/holylove
early bird price $444 through 4/10, then it goes up to $611
The class is 4/15-4/17
If you want to do both HOLY LOVE and Women Remember, you receive 50% off HOLY LOVE.
I go live the last Wednesday of every month! FREE group quantum healing in my Facebook group + more intimate live videos with me: https://mailchi.mp/8a4c6501bfef
To your total freedom,
💛Katie
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